Why you shouldn’t READ or WATCH twilight

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So it all began when twilight was first released. Like every other vampire movies/books fan, I too wanted to get my hands on the books. So my boyfriend, being the extremely wonderful man that he is surprised me with the first ever book one day. Boy wasnt i the most happiest person. So i sat my ass down and read. At first the book confused me beyond anything else. The author kept on making bella say stupid things like “edward is so perfect” throughout the entire book. Now correct me if im wrong but in which world did you come across a vampire who SPARKLES in the sun?

So do i learn my lesson? I mean ofcourse i was extremely disappointed with the book but I have this knack that when I start reading a series I need to finish it. So my poor boyfriend ended up buying me the first 3 books and poor avocado the 4th. So I thought book three was the best out of the lot but then I had the misfortune of reading book 4, and my  oh my.. if you havent….. then DONT.

Throughout the entire series the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn’t described in detail;  I read every book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant turd. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward – a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. Its sad and so uneventful. The final book was just a waste of trees that had to be cut down to print that god damn version. Bella has a blasted baby who turns out to be half and half and the funniest thing is they round up a whole bunch of weird ass vampys for a battle with the “great” voltury or something and the entire battle i believe lasted a mere half an hour… and 30 minutes of it was all verbal. Now isn’t that an inspiring take of a vampire bloodshed anyone would want to read about? Oh yeah all you people who got excited about the werewolves…. they actually are not even werewolves.. they turn out to be shape shifters… ohh yeahh… jacob black is a no good shape shifter. sighh

And the movie?
The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of shit on your sandwiches, you’re probably gonna like it as your dessert as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it’s just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn’t really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. Theres loads of adjectives used to describe Edward and his great body… which to be honest was just crap in the movie.

I am still confused as to how the directors of the movie chose two complete and utter retards for the movie. Both are so uninspiring as actors.. specially bella… Edward is too busy trying to look pretty while he sparkled.

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4 responses »

  1. I agree with most of your points. Meyers gives the Cullens more substance than Bella and that is unfortunate! I think Bella comes across really weak and a bti airy fairy. She’s the damsel in distress and someone always seems to have to save her. That said, I do think the books are good. They make the possibility that vampires exist or the mythology that vampires exist, I don’t want to say questionable, but the plot is written in a way that people can relate and that makes a good author (in my humble opinion). I also agree that they could have cast Edward and Bella with better actors. Seriously – the actress who plays Bella (whose name I can’t remember) is not great and Robert Pattison is a poor choice as Edward given that Edward is described at having impeccable manners from the early 1900s! :S

  2. look it’s just you opinion….i mean compared to the movies the books are pretty good…………. true edward and bella are merely annoying but seriously, its not as devastating as you portray!

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